


Mint Gummies

by hanihyunsu



Series: Your November Chance of Candies [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America/England Feels (Hetalia), Angst, Angst and Feels, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Love, Candy, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Dreams, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family Feels, Flashbacks, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Idiots in Love, Loss, Memories, One Shot, Philosophy, Regret, Sad, Siblings, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 21:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19304656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanihyunsu/pseuds/hanihyunsu
Summary: I hope Antonio stops lying and accept that it is okay to be sad.I hope Francis loves his own life as much as he loved everyone else.I hope Gilbert knew just how much I adore his love for his brother and the fact that he had more to spare for others.I hope Matthew realizes how he had people around him he can rely on.And to Alfred and Arthur, I hope they knew we were always here all along. We could look after them and we definitely would, even if they don't want to.They never us wanted to.





	Mint Gummies

**Author's Note:**

> I learned that you will love someone better when you lose them. 
> 
> Ep. 2 // "Mint Gummies" // Belarus-centric

[ılı.lıllılıı.ıllı](http://%C4%B1l%C4%B1.l%C4%B1ll%C4%B1l%C4%B1%C4%B1.%C4%B1ll%C4%B1)

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ  
_the night we met - lord huron_

━━━━◉───────  
◃◃   ⅠⅠ   ▹▹

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I met Arthur first, then the bastards followed.

I had always been the neutral party; the voice of conscience; the common sense. Without me, those idiots would have laid somewhere stark naked and dead. Fortunately, I didn't leave them hanging. I never wanted to.

Two of them did, though.

I was only nine when my sister sent me in the US to study, but going back to Russia at summer breaks were not on the spoken part of the deal. I was shocked to know that I have to live with my parents' American relatives for several years straight without ever seeing my siblings in person. The last time I had seen our estate, I was 7 and was just learning how to ride a bike. The next time? I would be 20-ish holding a diploma. At least _that_ was the deal.

Then that was it. I met that weird British kid who apparently had the same situation as me and I thought that maybe living there wasn't so bad. My aunt told me I can use the phone to call my brother Ivan; it helped lessen the bitterness of loneliness.

He once told me that people love because it's the only thing we all had in common. Hate is merely an absence of love, and apparently everyone experienced love once.

Back then, it never made sense to me. I was thrown to the USーI was filled with hate and only hate.

I never spoke at any of those phonecalls. It was only because didn't know what to say.

I once told Arthur this, when I found him tolerable. In fact, I started to look forward to the daily rant exchange even though my English wasn't the best at the time. He was one of the people who actually understood, or at least pretended to. It was ironic because of the language barrier.

Time came where I have to go to school, and the first bastard I met right then. He was the classroom "president", which is basically just an honor given to whoever sucks up the best. He was quite tall for his age and I hated how I have to look up just to see his face. His name is none other than _Alfred F. Jones_.

To be honest, we weren't exactly friends for the first few years. If anything, we actually despised each other under our breaths. He once heard I was from Russia and started accusing me of terrible stereotypes (which he heard from unreliable sources) and in return, I break his crayons and hide all his pokemon cards. I enjoyed watching him cry, and I could tell he enjoyed watching me get annoyed as well.

However, he and Arthur became friends. It was one of the greatest mysteries I knowー _how in the world did the bully and the good kid became best friends?_  I was content on the assumption that I will never know. Arthur didn't miss the rants too much so I don't really mind.

On the other hand, Alfred started to forget that he hated me and found new kids to pick on. The problem with him is that I don't think he knew that what he did was called bullying.  
We weren't friends before though, so I barely cared.

I should have cared more, I guess.

One day, Arthur missed the daily rant exchange for the first time. I waited beside my house's gate and waited for him to pass by, but he never came. Instead of a green bike, a black skateboard rolled through and stopped just in front of me. Its owner had white hair, which reminded me of my family, but his red eyes definitely screamed that he was from somewhere else; he was the neighborhood jerk. The name's _Gilbert Beilschmidt_ , of course.

He was a grade older than us. I remember that the first thing he asked me was if I knew where "Kirkland Kid" lived. Back then, I didn't know Arthur's surname so I answered truthfully and said no. I thought that would make him go away, but he didn't. All he did was sit in the street gutter with me and wait.

" **You're hanging out with that kid all year but didn't know where he lived?** " I remember him asking.

I didn't know what his deal with Arthur was, but it turns out it was just business. It turns out Gil was a candy kingpin and Arthur just ordered some candy. It was a medium-size bag of nerds. Fitting for Arthur, right?

Now that I know Arthur actually left the state for family vacation, I still didn't regret sitting outside with Gil waiting for him everyday. We may not talk much, but I found it would suffice as a silent company.

I helped him through an asthma attack that weekend. It's tripping to realize that if I wasn't there, he would have died. He survived and since then, he started giving me some gummy bears as a shy thanks. I realized he was a kind person under all that obnoxiousness. You should never really judge a book by its cover.

Arthur came back and received his candy from Gil which to my surprise, was actually given to Alfred still fresh in the bag. He (and literally everyone too) also had begun to grow taller in just a span of a few months, and I found our differences quite disturbing. If anything, it made me realize that some people are worth craning your neck up to just to look at them. Others, you don't have to botherーjust make them kneel.

Middle school was when my life changed for the better. I was introduced to the concept of "video call" and I was just so glad to see my siblings' faces again. I still don't talk to them much, but the hate thawed over the years. I did grow up overhearing how my sister kept asking our aunt how I was, and if I had new friends and if I was okay. I may have cried when I heard that.

At that point, I already understood why they had me study somewhere else; I was the youngest in a family whose past criminal records collected together is daunting. I finally accepted their reasoning wholeheartedly at that point. It didn't make me forget about being pushed away from home, but I finally at least understood why.

That same year, I met a pervert. He was one of Gil's friends and instead of being arrogant, he was just a big flirt. Fortunately, he was on the highschool department with Gil, so I spent more time with his cousin instead. He was friends with Alfred too. The bully attracted another soul into his world: _Matthew Williams._

He was one of the nicest people in this Earth, I might say. Out of all people, I would never expect him to be related to the world's biggest playboy and the world's biggest egotistic.

Alfred himself was quite popular back then, too. He was running to win that year's basketball just so he could get into a highschool with a nice team, but that idiot lost the match. I attended the game that year just for the sake of attendance and I first-handedly saw just exactly how human he actually was. That's the first time I saw him as someone else, not just some jerk that picked on me on fifth grade. I saw him as a living personーtrying not to cry, disappointed in himself, and in the shock of missing one of his greatest opportunities.

It was Matthew who pushed me into trying to talk to him for a change. He told me that my impression of Alfred "bastard bully" F. Jones is quite different to the Alfred Jones he befriended, so I gave him a shot.

And I didn't miss this one. He recognized my accent and pinpointed me as the kid he once picked on, and immediately apologized for his immaturity. My first thought was disapppointment at how he never even bothered knowing my name, but I decided to let that one pass and focus on  _what the fuck on Earth_  made him apologize. I heard it with my own two ears.

It made me think of the ways Ivan and Katyusha tried to apologize over the years too. I'm trying to forgive them but that wasn't exactly easy. However, I do understand second chances.

As a peace offering, I gave Alfred some extra gummies and wished him well on his basketball team hunting. He cried on me and got his tears on my shirt, but I let him be.

Guess what? The bastard showed up in highschool. I admit I did assume I would never see him again after eighth grade. Imagine my shock when he sat next to me at Physics class.

Highschool is quite different than middle school, I might say. Everyone is taller, and we just discovered the internet. The chaos and the cringeーall that package.

I didn't speak to Arthur that much anymore. He said he was busy. I knew he had Alfred over after school, but it wasn't really my business to meddle.

What was _my_ business is finding something worthwhile for myself. I joined the Tennis Team, where I met the brightest ray of sunshine on Earth. He was the team captain, and I do give him the credit for having such pride for an average team. If he literally glows up, he would blind everyone in a 10-mile radius. The name's _Antonio Fernandez Carriedo_ , and he's friends with the two biggest troublemakers on campusーhe was just as much of a crackhead as those two.

Antonio and I weren't exactly close but we have many similarities that could render the two of us quite professional acquaintances. Befriending Antonio means having his two friends as my friends too, though. They apparently come in a package. Antonio would be the considerator while I would be their voice of reason. I was basically their stressed elder sister, if they ignore the fact that I am actually the youngest.

It was just like that in freshman to junior year. At homecoming, I went with Francis much to the shock of everyone (and myself too, honestly). It was only because he was the only single one out of all three of them at the moment. It was ironic how he was The Flirt™ but he didn't have a lover...even until now.

I could remember the dance way too vividly. It was one of the best nights in my life, even if I personally hated wearing long dresses and (alcoholic?) fruit punch. Maybe it was the sentimental value that made it special despite the mediocrity.

My sister made my dress, sent to me straight from Russia. Meanwhile, Ivan bought my bow and my shoes as his apology for not being able to see me off to my first dance and not being able to inspect my date like the usual brother (or father) does. Francis showed up with a grand limousine while wearing some fine suit and tie, and he actually wasn't so bad. He was a total gentleman and respectful, under that perverse façade.

Gilbert, Antonio and Matthew also asked me for one dance each; it was amazing. Gilbert and I jumped around as the party music raved, while Antonio gave me one of the most romantic (and exaggrated) waltz I ever had. My slow dances that night were with Matthew, Arthur and guess whoーAlfred. Matthew was gentle and let me lean on him, while Arthur handled me with familiarity and respect. Alfred's dance, however, was quite special and hilarious.

He asked me to dance, stuttering and nervous. It was unexpected, but I don't mind.  
The song that played was the last slow song that would play for the night, and I willingly gave him my last dance. He got credit for the guts it took to ask me.

I wondered why it had to be me and he merely shrugged. " ** _You're really cool. I'm sorry for crying on you last time. I didn't know what to do...I'm just glad you're not mad._** "

We started over and became friends. He was the overly emotional one in our trio with Matthew, and it was my role to be sarcastic. There were no conditions nor expectations, and it was just so free. Most of the days, we just sit at the bleachers at the empty football field and eat popsicles without saying anything. It was enough for the three of us, and it wasーas sappy as it isーmore than I could ask for.

The gift I received on my 17th birthday was my own smartphone, and the first text I sent was to my brother introducing him to my friends. I sent them a photo of the guys from homecoming. Katyusha and Ivan found them quite intimidating, but to my defense I was left unsupervised. I chuckled to myself when my sister pouted right on the screen. I liked the feeling of having something personal just for yourself, and so I handled my phone like it was an another addition to our family.

Around that time, I noticed Arthur and Alfred started avoiding each other. It was quite unnoticeable (that even Mr. Know-It-All Beilschmidt didn't notice it at all), but I caught on the clues when Arthur started eating his lollipops all by himself and the party noises next door stopped playing every Friday.

I regret that I didn't bother asking either of them what happened. I told myself it must be something only boys could understand, but it was a matter of universal respect and never gender. _I was fucking stupid for thinking that way._

Around the gap year, Arthur moved away to work part-time in the city. He got himself a boarding house near his goal university, and I often stop by his place for a small chat. I kept in touch with Alfred and Matthew as well. Alfred started the year out depressed and we once had to literally confiscate his fake I.D.

We took him to Canada for a fresh change in environment, he started glowing up as the best version of himself I had ever seen. Matthew drove us around on roadtrips, and it was another of my great memories. We slept on a McDonald's parking lot once.

I remember looking up at the sky, munching on some pizza and realizing Ivan and Katyusha were on the other side of the world. I know how far Russia was, but the realization that I would never know how tall they are, if they snore in the mornings, what foods they like and hate, and if they were _even_ right or left handed...that was the distance that hurts the most. I could _feel_ every mile that separated us.

All I wanted in life was to graduate from uni, go back to Russia and live with my siblings all the while discarding our bloody family heritage. All I wanted was to meet them in person once again.

But on the way, I made friends; people I couldn't just leave behind easily. I wished that these people who were with me would get all the nice things in life that they deserve. Those were weird thoughts to have at a fastfood parking lot, but it was life-changing either way.

Just like Ivan said, people love because that's all we have ever known. All people know how to love but never to control it. 

On that night, I realized I did fell in love with these people: the five idiots and Matthew. They were my second (and third and fourth...) brothers who were there all these years. I will never speak of this in person, but I hope they knew that they are the coolest, kindest people I have ever met.

Being kind is a rare virtue and if I have to wish on just one bullet, it would be that my friends love themselves for making me love the world. 

I finally had the guts to call my brother and actually speak for once. That is my reply to Ivanーkindness is something not all people knew, even if they apparently knew how to love. You can fake love but can you really fake kindness? The world may be cruel to my friends, but they will always have that warmth in them. 

Antonio may be the brightest person on Earth, but he was just a boy exiled to a foreign country. And even if Francis is the master to both romantic and sexual terminologies, he knows how to respect everyone equally. And Gilbert may not be the smartest, kindest, or nicest person around, but his will to help pay his brother's hospital fees by selling candy is one of a kind. 

I hope Antonio stops lying about his feelings and accept that it is okay to be sad.

I hope Francis learns how to love his own life.

I hope Gilbert knew just how much love he had to go around.  

I hope Matthew realizes how he had people around him he can rely on. 

And to Alfred and Arthur, I hope they knew we were always here all along. We could catch them, we would look for them and we would reach for them even if they don't want to.

_They never us wanted to._

They were always walking away and never to look back each time. They were those who forgot how to love the world. They are no longer in love with it, as they are never in love with their own voices.

When Arthur gave me his dorm key "just for safekeeping", I shouldn't have accepted.

When I saw Alfred's gin bottles under his desk, I shouldn't have ignored it.

In the end, I did end up doing what I wanted. I may not have finished my degree, but I still went back home and started the Arlovskaya-Braginski pastry shop. I may have lost friends but I made new ones with those who cared. _But is that really worth it?_ I may have returned but I returned crying.

In my dreams, I would see the two of them trying to make poetry work on an empty classroom. I would enter and ask them what they were doing.

And they would say: " ** _I'm just trying to writeーah, we look really stupid right now._** "

And I thought, " ** _No, you don't. You really, really don't."_**

* * *

 

_and then I can tell myself what the hell I'm supposed to do_

_and then I can tell myself not to ride along with you_

_I had all and then_

_most of you,_

_some,_

_and now none of you_

_take me back to_

_-the night we met_

**Author's Note:**

> This entry's song is "The Night We Met". I heard it from 13 Reasons Why and a Dead Poets Society edit on yt so I thought, "Fitting." 
> 
> Up Next:  
> "Gummy Bears" (PruCan perspective)  
> "Hollow Bread" (Spain perspective/Ending).
> 
> //6-5-2019


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